clean

godforsaken dusty tundra home sweet envelope home tie me into the thing and seal the edges
move your legs out of my way
I'm coming through them and leaving you at the entrance
shelter me little cave
push me around
untie me and lay me out
sniffly strong fingers rubbing your nose with cloth
old man I am sorry for your need
you can't get it off your face and neck and head
Oh I am, I am sorry
Really
I would give you something
But what is there to observe, nothing new. You're crying, I'm crying too
You're wiping your face with a cloth, and then your neck and head and nose and mouth
and face again

old man we get up when it's time
we get up when it's time to go
we get up when it's time to go

When you get home you'll enlarge yourself to fill the house
so that your skin and bones fill all the gaps and spaces
and you'll not move at all
not move at all
You don't realize that you smell
and I love you, I'm sorry you get your comfort that way


When I get home I'll make amends
and push tiny holes into all of my belongings
with the pin an old woman threw away
singing 'fuck this' and 'fuck that' and 'if you want me you'll have to call
at this and this and such a time
when I can find it useful
to talk to you''

Strings start up in the hall and punch the air with bows
and oh I can't even walk to the bathroom without those
I can't move
I can't breathe

Thank the lord you know what I mean

I swing my legs against the entrance too
sometimes I sit up there with you

singing 'fuck you' and 'fuck you' and 'fuck you'

I'm not unclean or in the middle of a crisis
but the old man is
I'm going to leave him to it
leave him to sing "oh shit oh shit oh shit
I cannot get it, why can I never get it
clean"

I feel that I am mean.